Wednesday, February 5, 2014

on gender.

boy #1

boy #2

boy #3

my arrows.

"Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
    the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
    are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
    with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
    you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep."
psalm 127:3-5, the message.

so i have had this post rolling around in my head and heart for a while now. and by a while, i mean several years. there are certain topics of conversation that inevitably come up when you are in the season of having babies...everything from if you will use disposable or cloth diapers, if you will breastfeed or formula feed, if you will vaccinate or not vaccinate, if you will co-sleep or crib sleep...and so on and so forth. all of which everyone has their own opinions and their own free will to choose what is best for their specific child and family. i'll admit that after three children and becoming completely comfortable in my mama-skin, that i have my own opinions on each and every topic and am content to do what is best for us, even if its not best for the next person. i celebrate our differences. but i digress. there is also a topic that arises that we have absolutely no control over, and yet people will offer their thoughts and opinions nevertheless. gender.

it is quite possibly the topic that i receive the most comments on...and it only seems to increase with each baby. i am fully aware that they are innocent in nature and are mostly from genuinely kind people who love me dearly. but for whatever reason, i began to take them to heart. maybe too much.

"i'm sure you're hoping for a girl this time."

"i'll definitely be praying you have a girl."

"you guys need a girl to balance out your family."

"girl clothes are so much more fun."

" i could never have that many boys...i don't know how you handle it."

now, i know these are good-natured and i know they come from a place of celebrating girls and all that they offer to the world. and don't get me wrong, i love girls. and yet, i was always left with a sadness in my heart. tears fill my eyes even now as i think of the beautiful face of each of my boys and the gorgeous souls they are in this world. i found myself becoming fiercely protective of my boys...wanting to always reply with a comment like, 

"aw, well i love my boys." 

"i couldn't imagine life without each of them."

"i would love another fact, i kinda want one."

its like the rest of the world wanted me to have a girl, so i was going to want a that just in case i was having another, he sensed in my heart that i always wanted HIM. 

a fellow boy mom wrote a post a while back on this same topic and so much of what she said resonated with me. she said some things that were exactly what i was feeling. "I was somehow aware that I had disappointed people. People had been rooting for me to have a girl and I did not deliver the goods. It was an odd feeling and I didn't know what to do about it...Babies are not accessories. Not sent here just to make us look and feel good...'They come to earth to fulfill their own special mission...they are people.'"

i decided to write this before finding out the gender of our baby #4. since this blog is a way to document life as i experience it and a love letter of sorts to my children, i wanted it to be known before finding out the gender, that i will not be disappointed in the slightest if this little one is a boy. i will celebrate his life just as i have the others. i will rejoice in the soul that my God has created and be just as giddy about preparing our hearts and home to embrace him. and on the other hand, i will be as equally enamored to find out we are having a girl. i will set about preparing a place for her in our family and celebrate the newness and joy that a little girl will bring. 

i am already madly, deeply and over the moon in love with this person. with their heart and the purpose that they have been created to fulfill. girl or boy. God knew my baby from the beginning of time. and chose to give him/her to us for the glorious experience of knowing Him.

"You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 16 Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. 17 Your thoughts - how rare, how beautiful! God, I'll never comprehend them! 18 I couldn't even begin to count them - any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!" from psalm 139, the message.

i have learned to not be quite as sensitive has time as gone on. to not take things so seriously, always give people the benefit of the doubt.

i just want it to be known by each of my children...that i never wanted anyone but them.



  1. Love it. I think a lot of those comments like "don't you hope it's a girl" and such are just people trying to fill space when it's ok to be silent on the subject. We get it alot "don't you want to adopt again and try for a girl." My answer is "nope." But it's not nope in the adopting again... it's nope for "trying" to get something else when we've already been given something so amazing we could have never imagined!

    1. love how you said, "it's nope for trying to get something else when we've already been given something so amazing we could have never imagined!" each little person is such a blessing and I cannot imagine wishing they were anyone other than themselves!! such perfect gifts that they are!! thanks for sharing!

  2. I feel the same in reverse :) We are having another girl and people are already saying that we will just have to have three now. I must admit that I do want to know what it is like to have a little boy but that doesn't lessen the excitement and gratitude I feel that I get to have a baby girl. Maybe we'll just have to get them all together so my girls can end up with your boys ;). Your posts always move me in a way that makes me ache for your friendship and lament the distance between our little families.

    1. oh friend!! if only the distance weren't so great..but getting our crew together is a must!! can you imagine if a match were made?!! :) i'm glad i'm not alone in the feelings and am not surprised at all that you are already getting those comments. ;)...i am over the moon excited for your second girl...what a treasure she will be!!

  3. LOVE this. Your boys are absolutely gorgeous. Our girl was a surprise (waited to find out the gender) because seriously thought I would have all boys. I would have been happy with that, too. God gives us what we are meant to have. He knows exactly what we need and what our family needs. Perhaps a little girl for all those brothers to protect? Or maybe another fantastic boy for you to raise to be a Godly man. That is a calling. Congrats either way!

    1. thank you so much love!!! i love that you were able to wait to find out gender and got your sweet girl as a surprise!! i sometimes wish i was patient enough to wait until delivery, but have yet to make it that long. ;) and you are so right, God definitely gives us what we are meant to have! xoxo

  4. Oh my, I had so many emotions swirling before I found out our third one's gender. (We had two boys first.) And I agree completely - people cannot help but make those comments. And now that I've had a girl, they have shifted to, "Oh you got a girl!" and "Oh you got a girl—now you can be done!" To me, that's now how growing a family works. Your boys—your children (including this fourth one, whatever the gender)—are lucky to have a mama with so much love and perspective.

    Just found you through Casey's linkup, btw!

    1. Hi Erica!! Thank you so much for stopping by!!!! I loved what you had to say and completely agree...growing a family is all about God's design for that specific family and I am perfectly content to take whatever He has in store for us!! :) We just found out over the weekend we are having a GIRL and our hearts could not be more full!! I enjoyed hopping over to your blog as well!! xoxo

  5. i stubbled across your blog and have enjoyed looking around. I especially liked this post. My sister has three boys and gets comments like this all the drives her crazy. She loves her boys and is never disappointed when another one comes:)

    1. I am so glad you stumbled across the blog and am excited to hop over and read yours as well!! Boys are seriously one of the greatest gifts life can give and just like your sister, I wouldn't trade any of them!! xoxo.