a hospital stay.

my husband and i often find ourselves sitting on our couch after all the babies are tucked in and sleeping soundly, sharing about all the things that we see in our children.
the qualities that we admire, the character that is developing.
they strength that they embody and the gifts that fill us with pride and hope.

we love these little people more than life, yes, but there's more. we admire them.
we respect their growth and are inspired by their resiliency.
we are challenged by their innocence and convicted by their faith.
we are encouraged by their unwavering hope and ability to hold on to peace.
their bravery continually astounds us.

on wednesday night, our oldest started to have a mild asthma flare up. by early thursday morning it was clear that the flare up was becoming more than we could manage at home. a trip to the ER turned into a 36 hour hospital stay in order to get Kale back to where he needed to be to come home.

while i hated to see his health compromised, and my mama heart hurt for him more than words can say, i was filled with gratitude for a son who is clearly a fighter. who is determined to stay positive and choose bravery and courage over fear and anxiety.

and the silver lining of all was the sweetest 36 hour window with just me and my boy. we ordered all of his favorite foods, worked our way through an entire spiderman activity book, built a rocketship to fly around the room, played countless rounds of tic-tac-toe and snuggled up to the coziness of disney marathons.

i am incredibly thankful for the person that Kale is.
and for his health and his character and his spirit. he is truly one of my favorites of all time.

xx

a new season.

so it appears that a hiatus from this blog became necessary for me. it was not done easily or without some sadness. this place holds so much that is dear to me, so allowing it to take a back seat for a while, was truly difficult. it always remained in the back of my mind as a place that was dearly missed.

i believe that for everything there is a time and a season. and a practice that i try to do fairly frequently, is to re-evaluate each and every thing that i give time to. during one of these evaluations, my sweet little blog was put on the list of things that needed to be removed. the last six to nine months have been quite a whirlwind.

our fourth baby was in her first year.

i got bit by the entrepreneurial bug and started not one, but two small businesses. (Ellis.Rose & ItWorks!)

we have been on an emotional journey with our #3 and some serious health issues, which i'm sure will make its way into this space in the near future.

we have done a complete overhaul on our diets, requiring so much more time from me as i learn a completely new way to feed our family.

and amidst it all, i have tried (although failed many times) to keep my four precious babies at the forefront.

all this to say, i have finally felt like i am at a point to sit down and begin writing again.

to start sharing my heart and pieces of our lives.

to start documenting our story, so that i will have it for years to come.

so hello again. :) to my favorite old friends, and the new ones that i look forward to meeting!

xx.

rest.

"now i see the secret of the making of the best persons,

it is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth."

walt whitman

to rest is essential to life.

our bodies need it. they demand it.

in order to thrive and grow and change and live well,

we need to pull away. 

to retreat from normalcy and indulge in a space and time that is meant solely for rejuvenation.

for filling ourselves up; for sitting in silence.

for listening to music and lingering in soulful conversations.

as a mother, i have a difficult time carving out time that does not include my children.

i feel bad leaving the little people behind who are my very heartbeat. 

i tell myself that i don't need it. that i am strong.

and then when something or someone pulls me away,

it takes no time at all, for me to sink into the pure pleasure of allowing myself to rest.

it is glorious, filling my lungs with everything that i have been pouring out into my people.

pouring back in encouragement, patience, gentleness, joy.

giving myself the gift of being loved on and of going on adventure. 

of taking the time to truly sit and enjoy a meal.

of sitting in silence for an uninterrupted amount of time.

passions are reignited.

i slowly return from a place of surviving to thriving.

i remember who i want to be and how i want to love.

i am better.

with a full belly and rosy cheeks. 

and a heart ready to pour it all out again.

this past weekend was all of this and more.

a portrait and some thoughts.

while my presence from this little space has been completely absent for the past several months, life has been filled to the brim.

with hoards of rainy days spent indoors, snuggling and building forts.

with spring time adventures, gardening and trips to the park.

with a handful of weekend trips to visit family.

with cousins being born and a family reunion of sorts.

with sweet baby chub and kisses galore.

life has been incredibly slow and yet gone in an instant.

as it disappears right through my fingers, i am enjoying every last drop as well as i possible can.

because babies, children, simply don't keep.

i am learning a lot about myself during this season of motherhood.

things that i hope begin to pour themselves onto these pages once more, so that i can be reminded of them when these days are no longer.

i am highly sentimental.

a feeler of the deepest kind.

emotional.

and boy do i miss writing.

xoxo.

an update // taking stock.

first and foremost, i have missed this space. it seems that i have taken, yet again, an unintentional sabbatical from blogging. and i have missed it. terribly.

life happens every now and then, in such a way that i can only seem to take things in, to experience them, to notice it all... and then, for so many reasons, i don't stop to record.

i wrote over here about how this space for me, is my favorite way to stop and smell the roses. its a time to pause, to reflect, to remember, to notice...one of my favorite mamas over on IG (@thegraygang) wrote this and i love it, "i like to think that the real mothers are not the ones 'doing' things, but rather 'noticing' things. the ones showing up; the ones staying awake - and not to the everyday business bullshiz, but rather to the immersed matters of the heart. for the more you notice, the more you will feel. and the more you feel, the more you will have really lived. i want to be one of those; one of the lifelong 'noticers'." 

a lifelong noticer. this is what i am after. and while there may be breaks here and there, i will always come back to a place of recording.

i have a zillion posts swirling around in my head, but for now an update! i'm totally stealing this idea from some of my favorite bloggers,. :)

// taking stock //

making // tons of new rompers for my little shop. they are daaaarling!!!!!! and i'm hoping to have them ready by the beginning of february.

cooking // not nearly as much as i would like. i have been in a pretty deep rut where this is concerned. if you know me, it is pretty obvious that cooking isn't necessarily one of my favorite things in the world. i'm in desperate need for some inspiration in this areas. sigh.

drinking // lots and lots of water. i am a water feign when i am breastfeeding! i have also been loving a warm cup of green tea in the afternoons. 

reading // some books on homeschooling as we are starting to prepare ourselves for next year. Educating the WholeHearted Child, by Clay and Sally Clarkson is one that i am hoping to start soon, as it comes highly recommended.

wanting // a little more sunshine. i truly enjoy the winter months, but have found myself craving a beach. with lots and lots of warm sunshine. 

looking // forward to a fun family weekend at the end of this month. my siblings and i were all pretty scattered over the holidays, so we are all gathering at my parents for a quick weekend.

playing // the Birdy playlist on Pandora alllll theeee timeeeee. i can't get enough.

sewing // remember those rompers i mentioned up top. yep, sewing lots and lots of those. and headwraps. :)

wishing // i was a structured, organized person. but alas, i am so not. 

enjoying // all the sweetness of having a little girl. she slays us all in the very best of ways.

waiting // for some new fabric to arrive that i am dying to get my hands on!

wondering // what this next year will hold. 

loving // my morning moments alone before the rest of my home rises. it is pure bliss for this introvert 

hoping // to find a 10K or 1/2 marathon to start training for. I adore running and am excited to have something to be working towards. 

marveling // at the uh-maaaazing "big brother" skills that my oldest has. we just moved our youngest boy in with the older two, so that all three boys are together. we knew it would be an adjustment for Tobin, but Kale stepped right up to take care of him. he made a pallet by Tobin's bed so he could be next to him all night, and then proceeds to sing him the sweetest songs to help Tobin sleep.  

smelling // Ellis's freshly lotioned head as she is sitting on my lap. 

needing // quality, focused time with my Tobin. i feel like he has struggled the most with the changes that come with a new baby. i had him with me alone at the grocery store tonight and it was the absolute best. neither of us could stop smiling and i'm pretty sure i stole a few hundred kisses from the boy.

wearing // Ellis in some kind of carrier/wrap/sling for the greater part of each day. i can wear her on my back now which has made life so much easier. 

following // the National Championship game that Ricky is watching!

noticing // all of the moments that i know i will long for, even as i live them.

knowing // that as much as i would like to, i cannot bottle up time. and that each season is best lived to the fullest, and then left tucked away in our souls as the precious memories that they are. i know that i will come back to the memories that i am living and savor them often.

feeling // content. inspired. at peace. 

xoxo.

  

4 months // kimono love.

ellis is four months old now and is showing us each and every day that she is bound and determined to enjoy life to the fullest.

her little personality is all smiles and joy!

all five of us cant seem to get enough of you, ellis rose.

:: highlights ::

smiles and giggles and coos all day long

has been rolling for over a month now and prefers to be on her stomach, propped up and taking in all that is around her

we co-sleep at night, but E is taking two (sometimes three) solid naps a day.

sometimes i wear her, but i am starting to lay her down for at least one so that i can be completely hands and baby free for my boys.

we all think she gets cuter by the day and none of us can resist laying the biggest kisses on those cheeks whenever we are near.

E still nurses like a champ...even through the night! but since we co-sleep, i don't mind one bit. ;)

here's to one more month with you in our world, baby girl.

we are ridiculously smitten. 

//

kimono: coffeetalklosangeles // IG: @coffeetalklosangeles

headwrap: ellis.rose // IG: @ellis.rose

3 months.

// 3 months //

how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

i love thee to the depth and breadth and height

my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

i love to the level of every day's

most quet need, by sun and candle-light.

i love thee freely, as men strive for right.

i love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

i love thee with the passion put to use

in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

i love thee with a love i seemed to lose

with my lost saints, - i love thee with the breath,

smiles, tears, of all my life.

and if God choose, 

i shall but love thee better after death.

{e. b. browning}

words can only come close to how much we love you, ellis rose.

you are three months now and time is flying.

i am in awe daily of all the things you are learning how to do.

you want to talk constantly.

are all smiles.

are already rolling over.

sleep tucked in close to my heart throughout every night.

are growing like a weed.

are as radiant as the sun.

your personality is pure sweetness.

content describes you perfectly.

you are our girl.

and all five of us rejoice in your life!

xoxo.

2 months.

// 2 months //

this second month with you was such a dream.

you are seriously the happiest baby, and are already talking up a storm, cooing at us constantly.

the boys and i will sit and carry on conversations with you, taking turns deciding 

what you are saying.

it is one of our favorite games now!

you are a champion breast-feeder.

i have said it before, and i'll say it again...the breastfeeding relationship is one of my favorites ever.

you and i curl up as often as we can, 

sharing each others warmth.

allowing our heartbeats to beat in sync.

i love the place you have filled within our family.

who knew that you were the puzzle piece i didn't even know we were missing.

your brothers adore you.

your daddy is incredibly smitten.

and i am head over heals.

may your heart always be as free and content as it is now.

xoxo.

memory blogger.

every so often, I find myself wanting to evaluate all the different things that I invest time into. And blogging happens to be one of those things. I feel like I have taken a bit of a blogging sabbatical over the last few weeks and months…somewhat due to the readjustment period that takes place with a new baby in the home, and largely due to the fact that I didn’t have access to a computer for the majority of that time. And let’s be honest, I don’t think I will ever be able to blog on my phone! ;)

Having the forced time off, allowed me to really step back and look at the place blogging has in my life...and even to identify the genre of blogging that i feel i fall into. 

the answers actually hit me one late afternoon. everyone was up from their naps and those few crazy hours before bedtime were in full swing. dinner needed to be prepped and made, all four of my kiddos were needing my attention in some form or fashion, baths for two were already in the works as they just walked in all muddy from playing outside…multitasking is the name of the game these days! (I’m pretty sure at one point I was nursing Ellis in the sling, while giving baths, and running back and forth to check on dinner.)

I have whole-heartedly embraced the “fullness” that this season of life brings...and on this particular day, in the midst of all the chaos, I found myself lost in my own dreamy thoughts about each of my kids. I was planning on doing one of my “portraits” posts later that night, so I began to pinpoint something about each of my kids that I wanted to record.

something I wanted to savor and be able to look back on for years to come. 

something that would trigger the sweetest of memories, causing emotion and remembrance to come flooding back to me. 

and that is when it hit me, I don’t only love to record and think on these things as something for the future…they are just as much for me now, in this present season. 

a form of “stopping to smell the flowers.”

instead of dwelling on that feeling of drowning that seems to creep in from time to time (because even though dinner was being made, my baby was being held close and fed, and my boys were getting clean, there was a sink full of dishes, a playroom that looked like the Tasmanian devil had come to play, and I’m pretty sure not one bed had been made for the day. ha.), I found myself focusing on all of the good.

thinking about and identifying what I wanted to remember for years to come, was my own way of stopping amidst the grind of daily life and “smelling the flowers.”

a life saving practice for me in this season.

not only is blogging my own little way of capturing memories for years to come, but it is a practice that encourages me to pause in my present and highlight the joys, the hope, the overflowing love that surrounds me every moment of every day. 

to carve out windows of gratitude. moments of honoring the lives and growth of the people dearest to my heart.

I blogged privately for two full years before delving into the whole “public” blog realm. I talk about making the switch a little over here. making the switch for me wasn’t about growing a big blog to make money, or gain recognition, or have a lot of followers ;) … although there is definitely nothing wrong with those being reasons to blog!…they just simply weren’t and aren’t mine.

I want to hold onto the reasons blogging is still good for me and finding a place in my life…making that switch from a private blog, was simply done with the hope and willingness that something I write or share, may encourage another…that it may bring joy or hope into someone’s day…that they too may choose as often as possible, to stop and smell the roses.

so simply put, I am a memory blogger through and through. 

if something makes its way onto these pages, it is because there is a nugget there that brings joy and hope to my life in the present...and that I want to remember in the days to come.

whether that is simply pictures, a recipe we currently enjoy, or a heart-felt post about my babies…it is all done with the intent of remembering.

remembering so that i might constantly rejoice in the goodness of my God.