a hospital stay.

my husband and i often find ourselves sitting on our couch after all the babies are tucked in and sleeping soundly, sharing about all the things that we see in our children.
the qualities that we admire, the character that is developing.
they strength that they embody and the gifts that fill us with pride and hope.

we love these little people more than life, yes, but there's more. we admire them.
we respect their growth and are inspired by their resiliency.
we are challenged by their innocence and convicted by their faith.
we are encouraged by their unwavering hope and ability to hold on to peace.
their bravery continually astounds us.

on wednesday night, our oldest started to have a mild asthma flare up. by early thursday morning it was clear that the flare up was becoming more than we could manage at home. a trip to the ER turned into a 36 hour hospital stay in order to get Kale back to where he needed to be to come home.

while i hated to see his health compromised, and my mama heart hurt for him more than words can say, i was filled with gratitude for a son who is clearly a fighter. who is determined to stay positive and choose bravery and courage over fear and anxiety.

and the silver lining of all was the sweetest 36 hour window with just me and my boy. we ordered all of his favorite foods, worked our way through an entire spiderman activity book, built a rocketship to fly around the room, played countless rounds of tic-tac-toe and snuggled up to the coziness of disney marathons.

i am incredibly thankful for the person that Kale is.
and for his health and his character and his spirit. he is truly one of my favorites of all time.

xx

a new season.

so it appears that a hiatus from this blog became necessary for me. it was not done easily or without some sadness. this place holds so much that is dear to me, so allowing it to take a back seat for a while, was truly difficult. it always remained in the back of my mind as a place that was dearly missed.

i believe that for everything there is a time and a season. and a practice that i try to do fairly frequently, is to re-evaluate each and every thing that i give time to. during one of these evaluations, my sweet little blog was put on the list of things that needed to be removed. the last six to nine months have been quite a whirlwind.

our fourth baby was in her first year.

i got bit by the entrepreneurial bug and started not one, but two small businesses. (Ellis.Rose & ItWorks!)

we have been on an emotional journey with our #3 and some serious health issues, which i'm sure will make its way into this space in the near future.

we have done a complete overhaul on our diets, requiring so much more time from me as i learn a completely new way to feed our family.

and amidst it all, i have tried (although failed many times) to keep my four precious babies at the forefront.

all this to say, i have finally felt like i am at a point to sit down and begin writing again.

to start sharing my heart and pieces of our lives.

to start documenting our story, so that i will have it for years to come.

so hello again. :) to my favorite old friends, and the new ones that i look forward to meeting!

xx.

rest.

"now i see the secret of the making of the best persons,

it is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth."

walt whitman

to rest is essential to life.

our bodies need it. they demand it.

in order to thrive and grow and change and live well,

we need to pull away. 

to retreat from normalcy and indulge in a space and time that is meant solely for rejuvenation.

for filling ourselves up; for sitting in silence.

for listening to music and lingering in soulful conversations.

as a mother, i have a difficult time carving out time that does not include my children.

i feel bad leaving the little people behind who are my very heartbeat. 

i tell myself that i don't need it. that i am strong.

and then when something or someone pulls me away,

it takes no time at all, for me to sink into the pure pleasure of allowing myself to rest.

it is glorious, filling my lungs with everything that i have been pouring out into my people.

pouring back in encouragement, patience, gentleness, joy.

giving myself the gift of being loved on and of going on adventure. 

of taking the time to truly sit and enjoy a meal.

of sitting in silence for an uninterrupted amount of time.

passions are reignited.

i slowly return from a place of surviving to thriving.

i remember who i want to be and how i want to love.

i am better.

with a full belly and rosy cheeks. 

and a heart ready to pour it all out again.

this past weekend was all of this and more.

scenes from a morning.

    

ellis.rose: a shop!

i started a shop a few months after Ellis was born without any idea of what i was really walking into...

or how much i would enjoy it!

it has evolved over time to include headwraps for babies on up to adults,

 and baby bloomers and rompers.

I finally put up a link to it over on the left and would love to have you stop by any time!!

I recently added quite a few solid color headwraps as part of a custom order 

for one of my favorite customers!

so if there is something that you want, but don't see it, definitley reach out and i will work with you to see if we can make it happen!

I also have a few new fun things in the works so stay tuned!!

xoxo.

a portrait and some thoughts.

while my presence from this little space has been completely absent for the past several months, life has been filled to the brim.

with hoards of rainy days spent indoors, snuggling and building forts.

with spring time adventures, gardening and trips to the park.

with a handful of weekend trips to visit family.

with cousins being born and a family reunion of sorts.

with sweet baby chub and kisses galore.

life has been incredibly slow and yet gone in an instant.

as it disappears right through my fingers, i am enjoying every last drop as well as i possible can.

because babies, children, simply don't keep.

i am learning a lot about myself during this season of motherhood.

things that i hope begin to pour themselves onto these pages once more, so that i can be reminded of them when these days are no longer.

i am highly sentimental.

a feeler of the deepest kind.

emotional.

and boy do i miss writing.

xoxo.

but first, coffee.

i am linking up with some of the dearest ladies today at Tuesday Talk, and thought i would do a little coffee chat. it has been ages since i have done one, and i do love them so.

*************

if you stopped by this morning, i would most likely have you come and sit in our living room with me, in front of a warm fire, with coffee in hand.
i would sink into the couch, get comfy, and start asking you all kinds of questions...questions about the simple stuff and questions about the deep stuff. i would want to know it all.

i would probably tell you that my mornings are slowly turning back into one of my favorite times of the day. before having children, i loved mornings and was almost always up early to greet the sun. however, through the course of having four kids in five years, i started to see the mornings less and less. i went from eagerly rising to greet the day, to rolling out reluctantly when my kids started to rise. this worked for a time, but no longer! i have turned over a new leaf, and am re-claiming my mornings! they have been nothing short of delicious. divine alone time to read, sip on coffee, get myself ready for the day, prepare my heart to shepherd the little ones that i have been given...and then i would probably ask you for a bit of accountability as i strive to make this a habit. ;)

i may tell you that my heart is so incredibly full these days. like overflowing, full. and that i am truly delighting in this season that i am in. it is a sanctifying season for sure, but i find that the more sanctifying a season is, the more i genuinely grow and enjoy it.

we are planning to start homeschooling our oldest next year, so i know this topic would come up. i am slowly starting to plan, research and get excited. there is a lot of fear wrapped up in this for me, though. i doubt myself greatly. doubt that i will have the discipline to do it adequately. doubt that i am at all capable of even teaching. teaching my child, while having three others that i am mothering through the day, will require a certain level of structure, intention and organization...all things i am not the strongest in. i am eager to challenge myself to grow, though.

i would talk to you about how we are searching for a church home right now. and how i strongly desire community...but am intimidated by it at the same time. i often feel more comfortable hiding out in my own home and family...i tell myself it is safer there, less draining, easier.

i would probably want to talk about inspiration and ask you where you are finding yours. i am incredibly inspired lately by all kinds of things...by my children and their laughs. by music and running, by other moms like you. there is inspiration everywhere, and i hope to be an intentional noticer of it all.

and now a certain bright-eyed girl is waking up, so off i go to tackle the rest of my morning! a real-life coffee with each and every one of you would be a favorite for me, for sure!!

xoxo.

a portrait // vol. 1

i am going to try to keep up this year with doing a portrait each week of the kids.

i am already getting a late start, so will try to play catch up this week!

to start us off, a little christmas edition. :) 

*****************

// kale //

Christmas was so fun with you this year. 

you were right there next to me wanting to watch all the christmas movies, go christmas shopping for your siblings, and drive around to see the christmas lights. on christmas day, you got a few different kinds of punching bags and were ecstatic!  

but more than all the christmas fuss, my heart completely exploded this year, as you "got it." 

you got the reason we even celebrate christmas, and were just as excited about that, as any gift giving, movie watching, tree decorating moments.

and this, my sweet boy, was the best gift in the world, for this adoring mama.

// madden //

you, my child, were so very fun to surprise!

i made you and your brothers a "super-hero" pillow that you can use when we watch movies, or take with us camping.

while i had tried to hide them in your daddy's closet, you managed to steal a peak and were seriously ecstatic. we decided to give them to you on christmas eve as your one present, and you started running and jumping, and showering me with all kinds of hugs and 'thank yous'...even before you opened the present!

seeing your face light up with joy truly is my happiness. 

// tobin //

out of all the little goodies you received, you were pretty keen on this little dog. it was time for your pacifier and bottle to go this week, and while you handled it SO MUCH better than i was expecting, i wanted to get you a new little "lovie."

and i think this puppy was the perfect pick. 

once he was in your arms, you weren't all that interested in opening any other presents. haha.

not to mention, you are still kinda at the point where the wrapping paper is just as fun as whats inside.

// ellis //

this was your FIRST christmas, my love, and i had way too much fun dressing you up like my own little piece of christmas candy!!

i sure am enjoying all of these 'firsts' with you and am savoring all of the pure delight that you bring to each occasion.

i can only imagine the fun we will have next year, sweet girl. ;) 

an update // taking stock.

first and foremost, i have missed this space. it seems that i have taken, yet again, an unintentional sabbatical from blogging. and i have missed it. terribly.

life happens every now and then, in such a way that i can only seem to take things in, to experience them, to notice it all... and then, for so many reasons, i don't stop to record.

i wrote over here about how this space for me, is my favorite way to stop and smell the roses. its a time to pause, to reflect, to remember, to notice...one of my favorite mamas over on IG (@thegraygang) wrote this and i love it, "i like to think that the real mothers are not the ones 'doing' things, but rather 'noticing' things. the ones showing up; the ones staying awake - and not to the everyday business bullshiz, but rather to the immersed matters of the heart. for the more you notice, the more you will feel. and the more you feel, the more you will have really lived. i want to be one of those; one of the lifelong 'noticers'." 

a lifelong noticer. this is what i am after. and while there may be breaks here and there, i will always come back to a place of recording.

i have a zillion posts swirling around in my head, but for now an update! i'm totally stealing this idea from some of my favorite bloggers,. :)

// taking stock //

making // tons of new rompers for my little shop. they are daaaarling!!!!!! and i'm hoping to have them ready by the beginning of february.

cooking // not nearly as much as i would like. i have been in a pretty deep rut where this is concerned. if you know me, it is pretty obvious that cooking isn't necessarily one of my favorite things in the world. i'm in desperate need for some inspiration in this areas. sigh.

drinking // lots and lots of water. i am a water feign when i am breastfeeding! i have also been loving a warm cup of green tea in the afternoons. 

reading // some books on homeschooling as we are starting to prepare ourselves for next year. Educating the WholeHearted Child, by Clay and Sally Clarkson is one that i am hoping to start soon, as it comes highly recommended.

wanting // a little more sunshine. i truly enjoy the winter months, but have found myself craving a beach. with lots and lots of warm sunshine. 

looking // forward to a fun family weekend at the end of this month. my siblings and i were all pretty scattered over the holidays, so we are all gathering at my parents for a quick weekend.

playing // the Birdy playlist on Pandora alllll theeee timeeeee. i can't get enough.

sewing // remember those rompers i mentioned up top. yep, sewing lots and lots of those. and headwraps. :)

wishing // i was a structured, organized person. but alas, i am so not. 

enjoying // all the sweetness of having a little girl. she slays us all in the very best of ways.

waiting // for some new fabric to arrive that i am dying to get my hands on!

wondering // what this next year will hold. 

loving // my morning moments alone before the rest of my home rises. it is pure bliss for this introvert 

hoping // to find a 10K or 1/2 marathon to start training for. I adore running and am excited to have something to be working towards. 

marveling // at the uh-maaaazing "big brother" skills that my oldest has. we just moved our youngest boy in with the older two, so that all three boys are together. we knew it would be an adjustment for Tobin, but Kale stepped right up to take care of him. he made a pallet by Tobin's bed so he could be next to him all night, and then proceeds to sing him the sweetest songs to help Tobin sleep.  

smelling // Ellis's freshly lotioned head as she is sitting on my lap. 

needing // quality, focused time with my Tobin. i feel like he has struggled the most with the changes that come with a new baby. i had him with me alone at the grocery store tonight and it was the absolute best. neither of us could stop smiling and i'm pretty sure i stole a few hundred kisses from the boy.

wearing // Ellis in some kind of carrier/wrap/sling for the greater part of each day. i can wear her on my back now which has made life so much easier. 

following // the National Championship game that Ricky is watching!

noticing // all of the moments that i know i will long for, even as i live them.

knowing // that as much as i would like to, i cannot bottle up time. and that each season is best lived to the fullest, and then left tucked away in our souls as the precious memories that they are. i know that i will come back to the memories that i am living and savor them often.

feeling // content. inspired. at peace. 

xoxo.

  

4 months // kimono love.

ellis is four months old now and is showing us each and every day that she is bound and determined to enjoy life to the fullest.

her little personality is all smiles and joy!

all five of us cant seem to get enough of you, ellis rose.

:: highlights ::

smiles and giggles and coos all day long

has been rolling for over a month now and prefers to be on her stomach, propped up and taking in all that is around her

we co-sleep at night, but E is taking two (sometimes three) solid naps a day.

sometimes i wear her, but i am starting to lay her down for at least one so that i can be completely hands and baby free for my boys.

we all think she gets cuter by the day and none of us can resist laying the biggest kisses on those cheeks whenever we are near.

E still nurses like a champ...even through the night! but since we co-sleep, i don't mind one bit. ;)

here's to one more month with you in our world, baby girl.

we are ridiculously smitten. 

//

kimono: coffeetalklosangeles // IG: @coffeetalklosangeles

headwrap: ellis.rose // IG: @ellis.rose