rest.

"now i see the secret of the making of the best persons,

it is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth."

walt whitman

to rest is essential to life.

our bodies need it. they demand it.

in order to thrive and grow and change and live well,

we need to pull away. 

to retreat from normalcy and indulge in a space and time that is meant solely for rejuvenation.

for filling ourselves up; for sitting in silence.

for listening to music and lingering in soulful conversations.

as a mother, i have a difficult time carving out time that does not include my children.

i feel bad leaving the little people behind who are my very heartbeat. 

i tell myself that i don't need it. that i am strong.

and then when something or someone pulls me away,

it takes no time at all, for me to sink into the pure pleasure of allowing myself to rest.

it is glorious, filling my lungs with everything that i have been pouring out into my people.

pouring back in encouragement, patience, gentleness, joy.

giving myself the gift of being loved on and of going on adventure. 

of taking the time to truly sit and enjoy a meal.

of sitting in silence for an uninterrupted amount of time.

passions are reignited.

i slowly return from a place of surviving to thriving.

i remember who i want to be and how i want to love.

i am better.

with a full belly and rosy cheeks. 

and a heart ready to pour it all out again.

this past weekend was all of this and more.

a portrait and some thoughts.

while my presence from this little space has been completely absent for the past several months, life has been filled to the brim.

with hoards of rainy days spent indoors, snuggling and building forts.

with spring time adventures, gardening and trips to the park.

with a handful of weekend trips to visit family.

with cousins being born and a family reunion of sorts.

with sweet baby chub and kisses galore.

life has been incredibly slow and yet gone in an instant.

as it disappears right through my fingers, i am enjoying every last drop as well as i possible can.

because babies, children, simply don't keep.

i am learning a lot about myself during this season of motherhood.

things that i hope begin to pour themselves onto these pages once more, so that i can be reminded of them when these days are no longer.

i am highly sentimental.

a feeler of the deepest kind.

emotional.

and boy do i miss writing.

xoxo.

a portrait // vol. 1

i am going to try to keep up this year with doing a portrait each week of the kids.

i am already getting a late start, so will try to play catch up this week!

to start us off, a little christmas edition. :) 

*****************

// kale //

Christmas was so fun with you this year. 

you were right there next to me wanting to watch all the christmas movies, go christmas shopping for your siblings, and drive around to see the christmas lights. on christmas day, you got a few different kinds of punching bags and were ecstatic!  

but more than all the christmas fuss, my heart completely exploded this year, as you "got it." 

you got the reason we even celebrate christmas, and were just as excited about that, as any gift giving, movie watching, tree decorating moments.

and this, my sweet boy, was the best gift in the world, for this adoring mama.

// madden //

you, my child, were so very fun to surprise!

i made you and your brothers a "super-hero" pillow that you can use when we watch movies, or take with us camping.

while i had tried to hide them in your daddy's closet, you managed to steal a peak and were seriously ecstatic. we decided to give them to you on christmas eve as your one present, and you started running and jumping, and showering me with all kinds of hugs and 'thank yous'...even before you opened the present!

seeing your face light up with joy truly is my happiness. 

// tobin //

out of all the little goodies you received, you were pretty keen on this little dog. it was time for your pacifier and bottle to go this week, and while you handled it SO MUCH better than i was expecting, i wanted to get you a new little "lovie."

and i think this puppy was the perfect pick. 

once he was in your arms, you weren't all that interested in opening any other presents. haha.

not to mention, you are still kinda at the point where the wrapping paper is just as fun as whats inside.

// ellis //

this was your FIRST christmas, my love, and i had way too much fun dressing you up like my own little piece of christmas candy!!

i sure am enjoying all of these 'firsts' with you and am savoring all of the pure delight that you bring to each occasion.

i can only imagine the fun we will have next year, sweet girl. ;) 

4 months // kimono love.

ellis is four months old now and is showing us each and every day that she is bound and determined to enjoy life to the fullest.

her little personality is all smiles and joy!

all five of us cant seem to get enough of you, ellis rose.

:: highlights ::

smiles and giggles and coos all day long

has been rolling for over a month now and prefers to be on her stomach, propped up and taking in all that is around her

we co-sleep at night, but E is taking two (sometimes three) solid naps a day.

sometimes i wear her, but i am starting to lay her down for at least one so that i can be completely hands and baby free for my boys.

we all think she gets cuter by the day and none of us can resist laying the biggest kisses on those cheeks whenever we are near.

E still nurses like a champ...even through the night! but since we co-sleep, i don't mind one bit. ;)

here's to one more month with you in our world, baby girl.

we are ridiculously smitten. 

//

kimono: coffeetalklosangeles // IG: @coffeetalklosangeles

headwrap: ellis.rose // IG: @ellis.rose

3 months.

// 3 months //

how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

i love thee to the depth and breadth and height

my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

i love to the level of every day's

most quet need, by sun and candle-light.

i love thee freely, as men strive for right.

i love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

i love thee with the passion put to use

in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

i love thee with a love i seemed to lose

with my lost saints, - i love thee with the breath,

smiles, tears, of all my life.

and if God choose, 

i shall but love thee better after death.

{e. b. browning}

words can only come close to how much we love you, ellis rose.

you are three months now and time is flying.

i am in awe daily of all the things you are learning how to do.

you want to talk constantly.

are all smiles.

are already rolling over.

sleep tucked in close to my heart throughout every night.

are growing like a weed.

are as radiant as the sun.

your personality is pure sweetness.

content describes you perfectly.

you are our girl.

and all five of us rejoice in your life!

xoxo.

2 months.

// 2 months //

this second month with you was such a dream.

you are seriously the happiest baby, and are already talking up a storm, cooing at us constantly.

the boys and i will sit and carry on conversations with you, taking turns deciding 

what you are saying.

it is one of our favorite games now!

you are a champion breast-feeder.

i have said it before, and i'll say it again...the breastfeeding relationship is one of my favorites ever.

you and i curl up as often as we can, 

sharing each others warmth.

allowing our heartbeats to beat in sync.

i love the place you have filled within our family.

who knew that you were the puzzle piece i didn't even know we were missing.

your brothers adore you.

your daddy is incredibly smitten.

and i am head over heals.

may your heart always be as free and content as it is now.

xoxo.

a portrait // vol. 3

// kale //

you were so excited for halloween this year. talking for several weeks leading up to it, about who you were going to dress up as.

on the day of, you reminded me that we didn't have any baskets or pails to put your candy in. (oops. ;)) so you and i loaded up for a quick mommy-kale date to pick out some bags for you and your brothers. i treasure my time alone with you.

we talk, hold hands, and enjoy the uninterrupted conversation.

// madden //

you got to go by yourself with daddy to pick out your costume this year.

you wanted iron man or hawk eye, but since we couldn't find a hawk eye costume, iron man it was!

you exhibited such courage and bravery at a little church festival we went to...you and kale climbed up on these huge trampolines and jumped your little hearts out. 

i was actually prepared to wait in the long line only to have you decided you didn't want to do it.

but no sir, you are so confident and eager to try new things.

i can't wait to see all the opportunities this bravery brings you.

// tobin //

my sweet boy. you were our very own modern day hero this year.

while you are still very much our "baby," your independence and adventurous spirit is coming through strong.

you are starting to enjoy dressing up just as much as your brothers do and are wanting to be a part of their play together.

the three of you are thick as thieves, and one of my greatest hopes in life, is that this carries into adulthood. that you always share the strongest of brotherhood bonds.

// ellis //

i had all kinds of little girl costume ideas for you this year. but they were all quickly vetoed the minute your brothers spotted this super-girl costume.

to say they were excited when they spotted it, would be a huge understatement.

if i'm honest, i think they were actually more excited about your costume than any of their own.

girl, i hope you always know just how loved you are by these three brothers.

it is pretty special to watch.

we simply adore you!